Rules For Work

1.  Never give me work in the morning.  Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me.  The challenge of a deadlineis refreshing.

2.  If it's really a rush job, run in andinterrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going.  That helps.  Or evenbetter, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.

3.  Always leave without telling anyonewhere you're going.  It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where youare.

4.  If my arms are full of papers, boxes,books, or supplies, don't open the door for me.  I need to learn how to function as aparaplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever beinjured and lose all use of my limbs.

5.  If you give me more than one job todo, don't tell me which is priority.  I am psychic.

6.  Do your best to keep me late.  Iadore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do.  I have no lifebeyond work.

7.  If a job I do pleases you, keep it asecret.  If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.

8.  If you don't like my work, telleveryone.  I like my name to be popular in conversations.  I was born to bewhipped.

9.  If you have special instructions fora job, don't write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done.  Nouse confusing me with useful information.

10.  Never introduce me to the peopleyou're with.  I have no right to know anything.  In the corporate food chain, Iam plankton.  When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.

11.  Be nice to me only when the job I'mdoing for you could really change your life and send you straight to managers' hell.

12.  Tell me all your little problems.  No one else has any and it's nice to know someone is less fortunate.  Iespecially like the story about having to pay so much taxes on the bonus check youreceived for being such a good manager.

13.  Wait until my yearly review and THENtell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating  with a cost of living increase. I'm not here for the money anyway.

Work