Abbott & Costello's Cyber-Routine

Costello:  Hey, Abbott!
Abbot:  Yes, Lou?

Costello:  I just got my first computer.
Abbot:  That's great Lou. What did you get?

Costello:  A Pentium II-266, with 40 Megs of RAM, a 2.1 Gig hard drive, and a 24X CD-ROM.
Abbot:  That's terrific, Lou.

Costello:  But I don't know what any of it means!!
Abbot:  You will in time.

Costello:  That's exactly why I am here to see you.
Abbot:  Oh?

Costello:  I heard that you are a real computer expert.
Abbot:  Well, I don't know-

Costello:  Yes-sir-ee. You know your stuff. And you're going to train me.
Abbot:  Really?

Costello:  Uh huh. And I am here for my first lesson.
Abbot:  O.K. Lou. What do want to know?

Costello:  I am having no problem turning it on, but I heard that you should be very careful how you turn it off.
Abbot:  That's true.

Costello:  So, here I am working on my new computer and I want to turn it off. What do I do?
Abbot:  Well, first you press the Start button, and then-

Costello:  No, I told you, I want to turn it off.
Abbot:  I know, you press the Start button-

Costello:  Wait a second. I want to turn it off. Off. I know how to start it. So tell me what to do.
Abbot:  I did.

Costello:  When?
Abbot:  When I told you to press the Start button.

Costello:  Why should I press the Start button?
Abbot:  To shut off the computer.

Costello:  I press Start to stop.
Abbot:  Well Start doesn't actually stop the computer.

Costello:  I knew it! So what do I press.
Abbot:  Start

Costello:  Start what?
Abbot:  Start button.

Costello:  Start button to do what?
Abbot:  Shut down.

Costello:  You don't have to get rude!
Abbot:  No, no, no! That's not what I meant.

Costello:  Then say what you mean.
Abbot:  To shut down the computer, press-

Costello:  Don't say, "Start!"
Abbot:  Then what do you want me to say?

Costello:  Look, if I want to turn off the computer, I am willing to press the Stop button, the End button and Cease and Desist button, but no one in their right mind presses the Start to Stop.
Abbot:  But that's what you do.

Costello:  And you probably Go at Stop signs, and Stop at green lights.
Abbot:  Don't be ridiculous.

Costello:  I am being ridiculous? Well. I think it's about time we started this conversation.
Abbot:  What are you talking about?

Costello:  I am starting this conversation right now. Good-bye.

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