Remarks Never Heard at Daytona 500

-- None for me, thanks. That Skoal will do a number on your teeth.

-- Tampax! Get your Tampax here!

-- Hey, shut up! I can't hear the race!

-- Sex with your sister? Man, that's sick.

-- My God, this is a splendid Merlot.

-- Hey, you with the large breasts, out of the way. We're trying to watch a race here.

-- Jeeves, be a good man and retrieve the Wall Street Journal from my attach case. Then fetch me some clotted cream for my scone.

-- What a coincidence, Hank, all my friends are boycotting Hooters, too.

-- These are even better seats than we had for the Lionel Richie concert.

-- Good morning, Mr. Trickle. We at 'Depends' understand you're looking for a new corporate sponsor.

-- Filling in for Dale 'The Intimidator' Earnhardt today is substitute driver, Michael 'Lord of the Dance' Flatley.

-- And now, singing our national anthem, international recording artist Boy George.

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