Clinton Does Dr. Seuss

I did not do it in a car
I did not do it in a bar

I did not do it in the dark
I did not do it in the park

I did not do it on a date
I did not ever fornicate

I did not do it at a dance
I did not do it in her pants

I did not get beyond first base
I did not do it in her face

I never did it in a bed
Trust me now, you've been misled

I did not do it with a groan
I did not do it on the phone

I did not cause her dress to stain
I never boinked Saddam Hussein

I did not do it with a whip
I never fondled Linda Tripp

I never acted really silly
With volunteers like Kathleen Willey

There was one time with Margaret Thatcher
I chased her 'round, but could not catch her

No kinky stuff, not on your life
I wouldn't, even with my wife

Gennifer Flowers' tale of woes
Was paid for by my right-wing foes

And Paula Jones, and those State Troopers
Are just a bunch of party poopers

I did not ask my friends to lie
I did not hang them out to dry

I did not do it last November
But if I did, I don't remember

I did not do it in the hall
I could have, but I don't recall

I never did it in my study
I never touched my good dog, Buddy

I never did it to Sox, the cat
I might have once with Arafat

I never did it in a hurry
I never groped Ms. Betty Currie

There was no sex at Arlington
There was no sex on Air Force One

I might have copped a little feel
And then endeavored to conceal

But never did these things so lewd
At least, not ever in the nude

These things to which I have confessed
They do not count, if we stayed dressed

It never happened with a cigar
I never dated Mrs. Starr

I did not know this little sin
Would be retold on CNN

I broke some rules my Mama taught me
I tried to hide, but now you've caught me

But I implore, I do beseech
Do not condemn, do not impeach

I might have got a little tail
But never once did I inhale.

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CC:Stand-Up News

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