Jessi Klein: Buying My Best Friend a Vibrator

My best friend in life has never had an orgasm. I seriously mean my best friend -- not me, my best friend -- like, another person, my best friend. I finally decided that I was gonna solve this problem for her by buying her a vibrator. 'Cause wouldn't that solve the problem? So, for her birthday, I went out, got one, wrapped it up, gave it to her, and I was like, 'Here you go. Enjoy -- wink, wink. Call me in a few days.' I let a week go by, and I called her up, and I'm like, 'Hey Lisa, how's it going?' Obviously, Lisa's not her real name -- it's Lisa Katz. She goes, 'It didn't work.' I was like, 'What do you mean it didn't work? It was a very expensive vibrator. I'll return it.' She's like, 'No, no, it functioned fine, but it didn't work for me. It didn't solve my problem.' At that moment, I realized that because I was the one who had bought her the vibrator, I kinda felt like I was the guy who hadn't screwed her the right way. I found myself saying all the things that guys say in that situation. I was like, 'Uh, this has never happened to me before. Maybe it's just the first time? Give it another chance. I've given this to a lot of people and no one's ever complained.' Then, she was like, 'Hey, don't worry about it. This happens to everyone. I like you for you -- it's not a big deal.' And that's when I hung up and never called her again because I don't need that frigid bitch in my life.

Partying & Bad Behavior

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