Jessi Klein: Zales Diamond Outlet

I refuse to go into that store. And as we're walking by, I see that there's a chalkboard, like a little white board on which some employee has written in big, loopy letters, you know, like, daisies over the I's so girls can read it, and it literally says, 'Don't worry ladies, your husbands called, they said it's OK to come in and buy something.' And I'm just like, 'F**k you, Zales.' It really made me want to go in and buy the most expensive thing that they have, and then just come back the next day with a giant black eye. And just be like, 'You lied, Zales. He didn't call. He wasn't OK with that.'