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Kids
Dangerous Toys

Dangerous Toys

Q: What is red and orange and knocks you over?

A: Tackle Me Elmo.

Categories:Kids,Pop Culture & Celebrity,Miscellaneous

Kids

A Disney Break-Up
A Joke of Genius
A Lesson in Government
A Lesson In Morals
A little boy wrote to Santa ...
A man's logic
A Night's Sleep
A Perfect Circle
A Wrinkle in Time
A.J. Jamal: After Christmas
A.J. Jamal: Is Your Mama Whipping You?
A.J. Jamal: Love Your Parents
A.J. Jamal: Mama's Scripture
A.J. Jamal: The Gang Look
A.J. Jamal: Worshipped Animals
ABC
Adam Ferrara: Fondest Childhood Memory
Adam Growe: Favorite Part of Having a Four-Year-Old
Adam Sandler: Good Bar Mitzvah
After-School Snack
Al Clethen Jr.: Catholic Dad, Baptist Mom
Al Jackson: On Being a Teacher
Al Jackson: Parent Teacher Conferences
Al Jackson: Splitting Up Toy Soldiers
Al Madrigal: Cute Half-Mexican in a Sailor's Suit
Al Madrigal: Party Pinata
Al Madrigal: Sand Toys
Al Madrigal: Talking Back
Al Madrigal: Too Old for Breastfeeding
Alex Ortiz: Born Suspect
Alex Thomas: Ask a Stupid Question
Allan Wells: Use Moderation
Allison Castillo: Percentage of Singleness
Amy Anderson: Swedish Parents in Minnesota
Amy Barnes: Tuba Theory
Amy Schumer: Baby Safety Ads
Amy Schumer: Best Friend Tony
Amy Schumer: Excuse for Drinking
Amy Schumer: First Birthday Party
Amy Schumer: Friends in Their Late 20s
Amy Schumer: Mother's Advice
Amy Schumer: On Her Best Friend's Pregnancy
Amy Schumer: Pregnant Friends
Amy Schumer: Worried About the Pictures
An Arkansas Delivery
Andi Smith: On Cheerleaders
Andrew Kennedy: Growing Up in Hong Kong
Andy Kindler: City of Brotherly Love
Andy Kindler: Successful Bar Mitzvah
Andy Samberg: Suspected My Father Was Gay
Anthony Griffith: Baptist With Catholic Friends
Anthony Griffith: George Foreman
Anthony Griffith: Never Hit My Mother
Anthony Griffith: Scare Kids Off Drugs
Anthony Jeselnik: Die a Winner
Anthony Jeselnik: Hit and Run
Anthony Jeselnik: Kid in Africa
Anthony Jeselnik: My Nephew
Anthony Jeselnik: Peanut Allergy
Arceneux & Mitchell: Whipped My Butt So Bad
Arj Barker: Friends With Kids
Arj Barker: Have Fun Trick-or-Treating, Son
Arj Barker: Health Food Halloween Pranks
Arj Barker: No Razors in Halloween Candy
Arkansas Scholars
Baby Drink
Bathtub Anxieties
Beaver
Becky Pedigo: Dreams Come True
Becoming a Woman
Ben Kronberg: Bun in the Oven
Big Jay Oakerson: Karate at the Jewish Community Center
Big Trouble
Bigger
Bill Burr: The Life of a Kid
Bill Dwyer: Petting Zoo
Bill Dwyer: Why Kids?
Bill Engvall: Bill, You're Out of Your Element!
Bill Keller: What Your Parents Say
Bill Larkin: A Song for My Twin Brother
Bill Larkin: Twin Brother
Bill Santiago: Ass-Kicking From Jesus
Birdman
Birds of Paradise
Blair Butler: Little Children
Blonde Weighs a Baby
Blossom & Porky
Bob Marley: A Man, a Drinker
Bob Odenkirk: Dad's Tool Belt
Bob Oschack: Defending Your Children Against Your Friends
Bobby Lee: Parents' Approval
Bobby Lee: Roadside Corn Sales
Bobby Miyamoto: Got the Old Man's Attention
Bobby Slayton: On Cartoon Violence
Bonnie McFarlane: Baby Slogan
Bonnie McFarlane: Never Hit a Baby
Bonnie McFarlane: One Word on Pregnancy
Bonnie McFarlane: Raising the Baby
Booger Wooger
Boys & Girls
Boys Know Their Fathers
Brett Butler: Lobster Again?
Brett Butler: Wait 'Til Your Father Gets Home
Brian Kiley: Calling Dad
Brian Kiley: Does Nana Have to Die?
Brian Kiley: First Confession
Brian Kiley: Idiot Teacher
Brian Kiley: Marry Daddy
Brian Kiley: My Brother's Name
Brian Kiley: New Father
Brian Kiley: Not Very Tough
Brian Kiley: Old Fashioned Names
Brian Kiley: Pregnant Wife
Brian Kiley: Saying No
Brian Kiley: Setting Up Baby
Brian Kiley: Teacher Crush
Brian Posehn: Brand Name Shoes
Brian Posehn: Having a Baby
Brian Posehn: Only One Crazy Guy
Brian Regan: New Baby Greeting Cards
Brian Regan: Sent in First to Mom
Bring Your Daughter to Work Day
Building Big Religious Families
Byron Yee: One of Three Minorities
Carmen Lynch: Scoliosis Test
Carmen Stockton: Being an Overweight Child
Carol Leifer: Got to Have a Baby Soon
Carol Leifer: Long Island
Carrie Snow: No Kids
Carrie Snow: Third Child
Catching a Squirrel
Catching Rabbits
Cathy Ladman: Barbie vs. Tammy
Cathy Ladman: Cheap Halloween Costume
Cathy Ladman: Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh
Charlie Viracola: Believed in Santa
Chelsea Handler: Anybody Can Have One
Chelsea Handler: Babies Mean Responsibility
Chelsea Handler: Dad's Sexual Behavior Questions
Chelsea Handler: Is It OK?
Chelsea Handler: On Maddox Jolie-Pitt
Chelsea Handler: Waiting for College
Chelsea Peretti: Lot of Love
Children & Cars
Children's Books That Didn't Make It
Chip Pope: Who's Your Daddy?
Chris Hardwick: Grade School
Chris Hardwick: Respect for Latinos
Chris Hobbs: Getting in Trouble
Chris Zito: Remember Your Proposal?
Chris Zito: Stage of Development
Christopher Titus: Benadryl
Christopher Titus: Newborn
Christopher Titus: Poker TV
Christopher Titus: Scott Peterson Trial
Christopher Titus: Truths From Dad
Church
Clean Joke, Dirty Joke
Clinton Jackson: Considering Children
Clinton Jackson: Japanese Mother, Black Father
Clinton Jackson: Mind Elsewhere
Clinton Jackson: Wedding Reception Pictures
Confused Boy
Confused Child in Wedding Party
Cory Kahaney: 14-Year-Old Daughter
Cory Kahaney: Daughter's Friends
Cory Kahaney: From My First Marriage
Cory Kahaney: Handling Halloween
Cory Kahaney: Save the Children
Craig Anton: Time Out
Craig Shoemaker: Mother's Driving Instruction
Cristela Alonzo: Hard Being a Single Mom
Cristela Alonzo: Hate Working
Cristela Alonzo: Sexy French Maid
Cristela Alonzo: Wine in Church
Cruel Joke
D.C. Benny: At the Dentist
Dad Eats Lightbulbs
Damien Lemon: Absentee Fathers
Damien Lemon: White People Adopting Black Babies
Damon Wayans: Celebrity Adoptions
Damon Wayans: Fasting
Damon Williams: Death by Mosquito
Dan Boulger: Lots of Complete Accidents
Dan Mintz: Science Project With Dad
Dan Sally: Deaf Child Sign
Dan St. Germain: Child Actors
Dana Eagle: Jersey Latchkey Kid
Dana Gould: A Bit About Me
Dana Gould: Hungry Daughter
Dana Gould: Open Up Boxing
Dangerous Toys
Daniel Tosh: Boxers Don't Cry
Daniel Tosh: Snuggie Gift
Daniel Tosh: To the Mormons
Danielle Koenig: Actor Parents
Dante Nero: Drug Metaphors
Dante Nero: Teaching Lessons in a Rough Neighborhood
Darrell Hammond: From Alabama
Darrell Joyce: What's Your Secret?
Daughter's Prayer
Dave Attell: Caught Watching Porno
Dave Attell: Hate Traveling
Dave Attell: Sparklers
Dave Attell: Wrong Crowd
Dave Chappelle: "Scared Straight" Assembly
Dave Nystrom: When Your Daughter Grows Up
Dave Waite: What Parents Tell You Growing Up
David Feldman: American Teens vs. French Teens
David Feldman: Education in Los Angeles
David Feldman: Empowered Daughter
David Feldman: Greatest Weapon Against Teen Pregnancy
David Feldman: Parents' Responsibility
David Feldman: Respect My Daughter
David Feldman: Six Hours of Television
Dean Edwards: To Be Michael Jackson
Deconstructing Little Johnny
Delivery Coincidences
Denis Leary: Laptops May Lead to Impotence
Denis Leary: Older Generation of Fun
Dennis Fowler: Rosie O'Donnell News
Deon Cole: Michael Jackson
DeRay: Broke on Halloween
DeRay: Grew Up in a Ghetto House
Diane Nichols: Gave Up Sports
Dirty Tigger
DL Hughley: Father's Expectations
DL Hughley: Gay Flute
DL Hughley: Grown Folk Talking
DL Hughley: Slow Child
DL Hughley: Teach Your Kids to Cuss
DL Hughley: When Does Life Begin?
Doc Barham: Joining Big Brother
Dom Irrera: Honest Fourth Grade Teacher
Don't Need One of Those
Donald Glover: Not That Different
Donald Glover: Seen the Face of God
Donald Glover: Worst Place on Earth for Kids
Donations to the Preacher
Doug Mellard: Prophylactics
Doug Stanhope: Adoption
Doug Stanhope: Babies Are Like Poems
Dov Davidoff: Dad Smoking Pot in the Bathroom
Dov Davidoff: Molestation Scandals
Drake Witham: The First Time
Drew Fraser: Good Advice
Drew Fraser: Old-Fashioned Roller Skates
Drew Hastings: Pregnancy Test Commercials
Dwayne Perkins: Sports Heroes
Dwight Slade: Good Baby Names
Earthquake: Dangerous White Kids
Earthquake: Paternity Test
Ed Crasnick: Visiting My Parents
Eddie Brill: Grandparents
Eddie Gossling: Old Encyclopedias
Eddie Ifft: Tampon Wrappers
Eddie Sarfaty: Confused in High School
Elvira Kurt: Bathing Suit Love
Eric Kornfeld: All the Kids at School
Eric Krug: Learning From Parents
Eugene Mirman: Adopted
Eugene Mirman: Definition of Marriage
Eugene Mirman: Don't Leave a Baby
Eugene Mirman: Don't Throw a Baby
Eugene Mirman: God Is a 12-Year-Old Boy with Asperger's
Eugene Mirman: Good Father
Eugene Mirman: In Special Education
Eugene Mirman: Kids Say the Darnedest Things
Eugene Mirman: Pineapple Dog House Red
Eugene Mirman: Real Dares
Everyone's Doing It
Felipe Esparza: Dad's Furniture Fix
Felipe Esparza: My Dad, the Professional Wrestler
Finesse Mitchell: The Younger the Mama
First Day of School
Fish Brains
Fishsticks are for Lovahs
Fred Stoller: Growing Up in the 60s
Freddy Soto: Father's Advice
Freddy Soto: Young Parents
Frog Talk
Gabriel Rutledge: Ran Out of Condoms
Gene Pompa: Difficult Times
Gene Pompa: Don't Look Mexican
Gene Pompa: Mom's Birthday Cake
Gene Pompa: Older Latino Actors
Geoff Brown: Spelling Out Bad Words
George Willborn: Caught Up in Trouble
Gerald Kelly: Picking Up Your Child From School
Gerard Guillory: Always on the Phone
Gilbert Gottfried: Feeling Bad for Jesus
Gilbert Gottfried: O.J. Simpson's Kids
Gimme an "R"
Gina Brillon: Having a Baby Soon
Glenn Wool: Real Criminals
Glenn Wool: Rich Kids' Fashion
God's Dead Dog
Gonna Marry
Good Ol' Zombie Babies
Greg Behrendt: Halloween Rules
Greg Fitzsimmons: Before You Turn 21
Greg Fitzsimmons: Irish Grandparents
Greg Fitzsimmons: Los Angeles Tap Water
Greg Fitzsimmons: Medical Research
Greg Fitzsimmons: On Breastfeeding
Greg Fitzsimmons: Wishing Well
Greg Giraldo: 72-Year-Old Gives Birth
Greg Giraldo: Chemicals in Breast Milk
Greg Giraldo: Commercials for STD Medications
Greg Giraldo: Conservation
Greg Giraldo: Dodgeball Skills
Greg Giraldo: Having One of Those Babies
Greg Giraldo: More Money for Schools and Kids
Greg Giraldo: West Nile Virus in Queens
Greg Morton: Kids and Guns
Gregg Rogell: Cause of Death
Gregg Rogell: Little Things in Life
Gregg Rogell: No Santa
Hang Man
Hannibal Buress: Believe in Yourself
Hannibal Buress: Life Is Great
Happy Baby
Happy Butt
Harland Williams: Parents Having Sex
Harland Williams: Powder Source Government Secret
Harris Stanton: Camera Mom
Harry Potter Quiz
Having to Take a Whisper
Hold the Mayo
Hugh Fink: Curious About My Name
Hugh Fink: Life Support
Ian Bagg: Three-Armed Chinese Baby
Ian Edwards: Not the Father
Ice Cream Lessons
In a Year, I'll Be Five
In Cider
Inky Pig
Isaac Witty: Special Birthday Surprise
It''s awful scary in these woods, mister!
J. Anthony Brown: 13 Nieces and Nephews
J. Chris Newberg: Meeting Her Dad
J.J. Wall: Teenage Future
Jack Coen: Grasping Faith as a Child
Jack Coen: Looking Back
Jack Coen: Truth Be Known
Jack Gallagher: Baby Clothes
Jack Gallagher: Expert Medical Technical Terms
Jack Gallagher: Little Boy or Little Girl?
Jack Mayberry: Rental Car Concept
Jack Whitehall: Looking Down on Us
Jackie Kashian: Father's Advice
Jackie Kashian: Funny Parents
Jackie Kashian: Selling Candy for Little League
Jackie Kashian: Video Games
Jacob Sirof: Long Talk About Having Kids
Jacob Sirof: New Year's Baby
James Hannah: Songs for Parents
James Johann: Held Back a Year
Jamie Kaler: Learned in My Car
Jamie Kennedy: White Kids at the Mall Ghetto
Jane Edith Wilson: At the Library
Jane Edith Wilson: Pre-Pregnancy Weight
Jasper Reed: Tooth Fairy Visit
Jay Larson: Can't Have Kids
Jay Mohr: Dodgeball
Jeff Allen: Lazy People
Jeff Allen: Vacationing Without the Kids
Jeff Dunham & Walter: Not-So-Bright Son
Jeff Dunham: Achmed's Son
Jeff Dunham: Father's Day Card Idea
Jeff Dunham: Father's Day Card Signature
Jeff Dunham: Father's Day is No Different
Jeff Dunham: Illusion of Mother?s Day Relaxation
Jeff Dunham: Mother's Day Card Idea
Jeff Dunham: Politically Correct Father's Day Card
Jeff Marder: Growing Up
Jeff Stilson: Blaming the Parents
Jeff Stilson: Delivery Is the Wrong Word
Jeff Stilson: Giving Birth
Jeff Stilson: Men in the Delivery Room
Jeff Stilson: Naming the Baby
Jeff Stilson: Weird Olympic Events
Jeffrey Ross: Stay Free
Jeremy Schachter: Quitting Pot
Jessi Klein: Freezing Your Eggs
Jessica Kirson: English Children
Jessica Kirson: Write a Letter
Jim David: Capital Punishment
Jim David: Endemic to My Race
Jim Gaffigan: Big Family Burn Out
Jim Gaffigan: Ultimate Bragging Rights
Jim Norton: Positive Profiling
Jimmy Dore: Big Family
Jimmy Dore: Catholic School
Jimmy Dore: Growing Up in a Big Family
Jimmy Dore: Growing Up Poor
Jimmy Dore: More to Life Than Sex
Jimmy Learns a New Word
Jo Koy: My Inspiration
Jo Koy: On Childbirth
Jo Koy: Three-Year-Old Son
Joey Kola: My Father's Car
Joey Kola: Six-Year-Old Son
Joey Vega: Old School Slides
Joey Vega: The Wait to Go Swimming
John Bush: Growing Up in Minnesota
John Evans: Abortion Statistics
John Heffron: My Childhood
John Heffron: Need a Haircut
John Heffron: Old School Child Safety
John Heffron: School Luggage
John Mendoza: Hitchcock's "The Birds"
John Mendoza: Kids Suck
John Mulaney: For Years
John Mulaney: Meanest People in the World
John Mulaney: Terrible at Math
John Mulaney: Veronica the Babysitter
John Oliver: Swearing's Healing Powers
John Ridley: Male Perspective on Abortion
Johnny Sanchez: Bad Attitudes
Johnny Sanchez: Bored as a Kid
Johnny Sanchez: Old School Bumper Cars
Johnny Steele: Class Clown
Jon Ross: New Parenting
Jonathan Corbett: Retired Father
Jonathan Katz: Bring in a Sample
Jonathan Katz: Cambridge, MA
Jonathan Katz: Curious Daughter
Jonathan Katz: Freudian Slip
Jonathan Katz: Small Children
Jonathan Katz: Ultrasound
Jonathan Solomon: Basic Dad
Josh Sneed: Children's Food Toys
Josh Sneed: Little Hip Hop Cousin
Judy Gold: "The Brady Bunch"
Judy Gold: Answering Machine
Judy Gold: Musical Review of My Mother's Life
Judy Gold: My Mother's Autobiography
Judy Gold: Selling Candy for Band Trips
Judy Toll: During the Sexual Revolution
Julian McCullough: My First Girlfriend
Jumper
Jumping Rope
Juston McKinney: Parents' Love
Juston McKinney: Picture Day at School
Juston McKinney: Practice Safe Sex
K.P. Anderson: Antidepressants for Kids
K.P. Anderson: Comic or Tragic
K.P. Anderson: Not Mature Enough for Parenting
Kangaroo Sleepovers
Kareem Matthews: Fake Christmas Tree
Kareem Matthews: Shelter Dogs
Karen Anderson: High School Beachwear
Karen Rontowski: Nephew's Birthday
Kathleen Madigan: Like Homeless People
Kathy Griffin: Giving My Parents the Keys
Keith Robinson: Difference in Reward Money
Keith Robinson: Named by Affliction
Kevin Nealon: Education System
Kevin Rooney: Hand Puppets
Kevin Shea: Adopted Family
Kevin Shea: On Being Adopted
Kirk Fox: Heroism
Kirk Fox: Snip Snip
Kirk Fox: Too Tall for Kids
Kite Tails and Rejection
Kivi Rogers: Cheap Dad
Kivi Rogers: Roller Skates
Kjell Bjorgen: Attention-Seeking Kids
Knock, Knock... Old Lady
Kristen Schaal: Family Friendly
Kristian Vallee: Disgruntled Student
Kristian Vallee: Extra Credit
Kristian Vallee: Getting Out of School
Kurt Braunohler: Slept Like a Baby
Kurt Metzger: Tiger Woods Is a Bad Example
Kyle Grooms: Bad Neighborhood
Kyle Grooms: Black Family Skiing
Kyle Grooms: Good Cookies
Kyle Grooms: Tap Water
Kyle Kinane: Always a Miracle
Kyle Kinane: Still Crazy
Lance Crouther: Get in the House
Larry Amoros: Living in Los Angeles
Larry Amoros: Move Back Home
Larry Amoros: Recent Surgery
Larry Brown: Dad's Advice
Larry the Cable Guy: Left Back in 5th Grade
Larry the Cable Guy: Troubled Kid
Laura House: High School Yearbook
Laura House: Strict Mom
Laura Kightlinger: Parents of Octuplets
Laura Kightlinger: Selfless Profession
Laura Kightlinger: Sleeping With Mom
Laura Kightlinger: Why Procreate?
Laura Swisher: Adopted in the 70s
Lawyers on the Beach
LeeAnne Ford: Kids Are Smarter Than Grownups
Lego my Legolas
Len Austrevich: A Good Time
Leo Allen: Attending a Two-Year-Old's Birthday Party
Leo Allen: Being Adopted
Leo Allen: Dressing Like a Kid
Leo Allen: Giving Themselves Advice
Leo Allen: Thanks to Photoshop
Leo Allen: The Laziest Moment in History
Lesson Learned
Lester Barrie: Hated to See My Mother Coming
Let Them Eat Homework
Lewis Dix: 24-Hour Labor
Lewis Dix: Mow the Lawn
Lima
Lisa DeLarios: Stuffed Animals
Lisa Landry: All-Girl Catholic School
Lisa Landry: Can't Imagine Having a Baby
Lisa Landry: Catholic Mom, Jewish Dad
Lisa Landry: Eighteen Is Too Young
Lisa Landry: Gym Class Is Wrong
Lisa Landry: Not Ready for Children
Lisa Landry: One Virgin in Catholic School
Little Girl on a Swing
Little Johnny and God
Little Johnny and the ABC's
Little Johnny Gives to the Sick
Little Johnny is Number One
Little Johnny's "Bookish" Father
Little Johnny's Big Answer
Little Johnny's Prognosis
Little Johnny's Stork
Little Johnny's Subsitute Teacher
Little Johnny... Baby Talk
Little Johnny... Big Word
Little Johnny... Definite Definition
Little Johnny... Fascinate
Little Johnny... Finding Jesus
Little Johnny... Geometry
Little Johnny... Know It All
Little Johnny... Make a Sentence
Little Johnny... Mortgage
Little Johnny... Name That Animal
Little Johnny... Nickels and Dimes
Little Johnny... Peanut
Little Johnny... Playing Cards
Little Johnny... Quit Bugging Me
Little Johnny... Salesman
Little Johnny... Snakes and Bushes
Little Johnny... Stand Up
Little Johnny... Thanksgiving Greetings
Little Johnny... The Birds and the Bees
Little Johnny... The Mouse
Little Johnny... The Way You Think
Little Nancy's Pet
Little Red's Granny
Lizz Winstead: Catholic Neighborhood
Lizz Winstead: Compassionate Conservative
Lizz Winstead: Paying for Troop Provisions
Loni Love: Bring Your Kids to Work Day
Louis C.K.: Naming the Children
Louis Ramey: A Newborn Child
LSD Cocktail
Lunch is back
Lynne Koplitz: Manhattan Children
Lynne Koplitz: Well-Adjusted Responsibilities
Ma, Pa, And The Rump Pump
Mad Mother-of-Six
Marc Maron: Manic-Depressive Dad
Marc Price: Turning 21
Margaret Smith: Adoption
Margaret Smith: Father's Day Card
Margaret Smith: Jewish Mom, Irish Catholic Dad
Margaret Smith: Seatbelts
Margaret Smith: Taking Parents to the Airport
Margaret Smith: You Don't Know What Love Is
Maria Bamford: Depressed American Kids
Maria Bamford: Homesick
Maria Bamford: Kids Names
Marina Franklin: No Skills
Marina Franklin: Theme Days in the White Neighborhood
Mark Cohen: Last Time in Temple
Mark Cohen: My Father's Counsel
Mark Craig Taylor: From Lovers to Teammates
Mark Craig Taylor: Raising a Good Kid
Mark Craig Taylor: Think About the Future
Mark Curry: No Halloween Costumes
Mark Curry: No Need for Curfew
Mark Roberts: Joining the Cub Scouts
Marsupial Moms
Maryellen Hooper: Barbie Heads
Math Sucks
Matt Braunger: First Fake ID
Megan Mooney: Animal Abuser Niece
Megan Mooney: Big Catholic Family
Melanie Camacho: Busted With Marijuana
Melanie Reno: More Money in College
Michael Che: Camera Phones
Michael Colyar: New Father
Michael Kosta: Noise Canceling Headphones
Michael Kosta: Older Brother Games
Michael Palascak: Living at Home
Michael Somerville: Youngest in the Family
Michelle Buteau: Interracial Relationships
Mike Birbiglia: I Was an Altar Boy
Mike Birbiglia: Kenny's Comedy Act
Mike Birbiglia: My Brother's Footsteps
Mike Birbiglia: Want to Have Kids
Mike DeStefano: Don't Do Drugs
Mike DeStefano: Growing Up Catholic
Mike DeStefano: No Question
Mike Dugan: Blaming Music
Mike Lawrence: Bald Heads
Mike Lawrence: Child of Divorce
Mike MacDonald: Rock Star Influence
Mike MacDonald: Suing Ozzy Osbourne
Mike Vecchione: Flight to Australia
Mike Vecchione: Gambling Problem
Mike Vecchione: Good Man
Milt Abel: Delivery Room Confusion
Milt Abel: Spankings
Mo Mandel: Hippie Parents
Mo Mandel: Meth Joke
Mo Mandel: Only Jewish Kid
Mo Mandel: Wal-Mart Is Special
Mommy, Mommy!
Mommy, Mommy! 2
More Children's Books That Didn't Make It
More Signs That You're Out of College
Morgan Murphy: Discovering Irony
Musical Chairs
My Dad's Better
My Father, The Whorehouse Piano Player
Myq Kaplan: Losing a Cell Phone
Myq Kaplan: Not Encouraged to Be Smart
Myq Kaplan: Sky Is the Limit
Natasha Leggero: Boston Blackout
Natasha Leggero: Having a Baby
Natasha Leggero: I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant
Natasha Leggero: I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant Stories
Natasha Leggero: Making Fun in High School
Natasha Leggero: Paternity Tests
Natasha Leggero: The Kardashians
Natasha Leggero: Woman Who Didn't Know She Was Pregnant
Nate Bargatze: Little Girl Toys
Nate Bargatze: Not Good at Marriage
National Pastime
Neal Brennan: Invention of Football
Need a Push?
Nick Kroll: Having a Child
Nick Swardson: Third Grade Fight
Nick Swardson: Video Games of the Future
Nine Is Enough
Norm MacDonald: Cartoon Violence
Ode to a Glowworm
Oh, Goodness
Only a Head
Otis Lee Crenshaw: How Poor?
Pain in the Tonsils
Parachutes for two
Patton Oswalt: Coloring Easter Eggs
Paul Dillery: Time for School
Paul F. Tompkins: Take a Bullet
Paul Mercurio: A Different Person
Paul Nardizzi: Awesome Minivans
Paul Nardizzi: Not Cutting the Umbilical
Paul Nardizzi: The Four Kids and a Wife
Paul Provenza: Masturbation Class
Peeing in the Pool
Perfect Penis
Pete Dominick: Baby Photos
Pete Dominick: Girlfriend's Proposal
Pete Dominick: What You Really Look Like
Pete Holmes: YouTube Comments by Teenagers
Playing Doctor
Playing Trucker
Poor Boy's Christmas
Pregnant Wife
Pregnant Woman Gets On a Bus
Prostitute's Children
Quinn Dahle: Brother's Vasectomy
Rachel Feinstein: Sassy Mom
Rectum
Reid Harrison: Lifeguarding
Reid Harrison: Never Too Late
Rene Hicks: Mother's Discipline
Retha Jones: Never Had Hips
Retta: Nondairy Creamer
Retta: The Body's Heating System
Rich Vos: Broken Home
Rich Vos: Daughters in a Divorce
Rich Vos: Help With Homework
Rich Vos: Seven-Year-Old's Birthday Party
Richard Jeni: Going to Mass
Richard Lewis: Always Prepared
Richard Lewis: Childhood Experience
Richard Lewis: Clouds
Richard Lewis: Jewish Center League Sports
Richard Lewis: Let It Out
Richard Lewis: Mother
Richard Lewis: Reunion Toast
Riding in Cars With Boys
Robert Hawkins: The Problem With Kids Today
Robert Kelly: Mother's Helper
Rod Man: Not the Same Daddy
Rod Man: Single Mamas Hold on Too Long
Rod Man: Your Mama and Your Daddy
Rodney Laney: Ritalin
Rory Albanese: Kids With ADD
Rory Albanese: Middle East Solution
Rory Albanese: Program for Kids
Rotten Reggie
Roy Wood Jr.: Parenting Plan
Royale Watkins: Do You Like Kids?
Russ Meneve: Baby Knapsack
Ryan Stout: Beijing Fire
S & M
Sabrina Matthews: Diet Pills
Sandra Bernhard: Accepting Dysfunction
Seagull's Final Resting Place
Sean Morey: St. Patrick's Day Tradition
Sean Murphy: Why God Is a Man
Set Me On Fire
Sex Ed
Sex Education
Sex Relatively Speaking
Shane Mauss: Baby Self-Defense
Sheng Wang: Fear of Rats
Sheng Wang: MILF Porn
Sheng Wang: The Name Sheng Wang
Shine On You Crazy Fratboy!
Shut-up and Trouble
Signs You're No Longer in College...
Smart Pills
Smartass Record Shop
Smoke Rings
Soda Pop
Some Plants
Stayin' Alive
Stephen Lynch: A Lullaby for My Daughter
Stephen Lynch: A Lullaby of Daddy's Likes
Stephen Lynch: A Song for a Special Friend
Stephen Lynch: A Song for a Special Friend Pt. 2
Steve Marmel: George W.'s 2000 Campaign
Steve McGrew: Parent's Sex Life
Steve McGrew: When You Piss Off Your Mom
Steve Shaffer: Catholic Parochial Education
Steve Sweeney: Growing Up Catholic
Steve White: Inside Michael Jackson
Stoopid Baby Names
Strawberry Manure
Subway Series School
Sue Costello: Visiting Relatives in Jail
Sue Kolinsky: 49-Year-Old Women
Sue Kolinsky: Going Through Your Stuff
Sue Kolinsky: Having Kids at 49
Sue Murphy: Wanting Grandchildren
Sully McCullough: If This Were Junior High...
Sunday School Daze
Sundra Croonquist: Like Me
Susan Norfleet: Looking Bookish
Susan Norfleet: Mother's Advice
T.J. Miller: Holding a Baby
Taking the Bait
Talking in Numbers
Tami Vernekoff: Enough Rouge
Tami Vernekoff: Talk to Mom Every Day
Taste Test
Teacher's Pet
Teaching a Buncha Hooligans
Technically and Reality?
Technology-Enabled Amoebas
Ted Alexandro: Art Teachers
Telephone Operator's Proposal
Test Tube Baby
That Johnny Is So Witty
That's Cheesy
The Bald Man's Delusion
The Blonde ABC's
The Boss
The Call of Nature
The Cookies Crumbled
The Father Sets the Bar
The Italian Virgin's Wedding Night
The Little Fire Engine
The Michael Jackson Doll
The Mystery of Childbirth
The Sklar Brothers: Crappy Snacks
The Sklar Brothers: Twin Brother's Child
The Snail's Ride
The Squirrels
The Twinkie Joke
The Werewolf
Thea Vidale: Fighting Children
Thea Vidale: Love My Children
Theo Von: Real Christian Home
There was a little boy and a little girl ...
There was a little girl named Fufu ...
They're Busy
Things Children Have Learned
Things I've Learned from My Children
This Joke Is Toast
Three Daughters Dinner
Three-Legged Race
Thumb Sucking
Tig: Barbie's Friend, Wheelchair Becky
Tig: Drop Out Warning
Tig: Finished School Early
Tig: Going on a Binge
Tig: Just Like Everybody Else
Tim Young: Saying I Love You
Time Flies
Todd Barry: Substitute Teacher
Todd Barry: Summer School
Todd Glass: Turn the Car Around
Tom Cotter: Birthday Surprise
Tom Cotter: Late-Term Abortion
Tom Cotter: Niece's Dance Recital
Tom Lennon: Parenting Scam
Tom Rhodes: Arguing Parents
Tom Rhodes: Childhood Dreams
Tom Segura: Didn't Know I Was Pregnant
Tom Sharpe: Dream Come True Scratch-Off
Tom Sharpe: Never Kissed a Girl
Tom Shillue: Things Your Dad Used to Do
Tom Simmons: Baby Owen
Tom Simmons: Why Would You Go to Iraq?
Tommy Davidson: After School Fight
Tommy Johnagin: Great with Kids
Tony Camin: Cheap Aquarium
Tony Camin: Kindergarten Rules
Tony Sculfield: Starving Kid Commercials
Tony Woods: Babysitting
Tony Woods: Goldilocks
Top 10 Camps Not to Send Your Kid To
Tracy Smith: My Sister's Kids
Tracy Smith: Pregnant Sister
Train Sets and Breasts
Turn to Stone
Twisted Baby Joke
Two Dogs Humping
Ty Barnett: Child Support in Seattle
Ty Barnett: From Chicago
Unappreciated Hanukkah Gift
Unbearable Lightness of Being
Uncle Tommy's Closet
Useless Tickets
Val Kappa: Accident Note
Vanessa Hollingshead: No Adopted Children
Vargus Mason: Only the Little Angels
Veronica Mosey: "Juicy" Law
Vic Henley: KISS Concert in Birmingham
Vickie Shaw: Is Your Mom Gay?
Victor Varnado: Black Albino Myths
Victor Varnado: Black Albino Practical Joke
Vince Morris: How Was Work, Mr. Morris?
Voices! Voices! Shut up!
Wanda Sykes: Childproofing
Wanda Sykes: Don't You Regret Not Having Kids?
Wanda Sykes: Family Never Forgets
Wanda Sykes: Friends With Kids
Wanda Sykes: Kid Safety
Wanda Sykes: Nephews
Wayne Federman: Athlete's Foot
Wayne Federman: Growing Up in Florida
Wayne Federman: Last Person Picked
Wayne Federman: Learner's Permit
Wayne Federman: New Yorker Children
Wedding Dress
Wee Jimmy's Poker
Wendy Liebman: Got My Period Today!
Wendy Liebman: Love the Zoo
Wendy Liebman: Scared of Sex
Wendy Spero: Responsibility for the Family
Wendy Spero: Take Your Daughter to Work Day
West Virginia Custody Battle
What did the Hispanic fireman...
What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo
What do you call an elephant...
What Is The Answer
Where Babies Come From
Where Is God?
Whitney Cummings: Babies and Dogs
Why did the zombie baby cross the road?
William Wilson: Hot Brick Church
William Wilson: Tough Ugly Clothes
Wise Old Man
Words of Wisdom from Children
Write this one down
Yo' Mama Is So Ugly... Slingshot
You Grew Up in the 80s If...
You-Wanna-Do-What-To-Me-Elmo?
Zach Galifianakis: Not What You Say
Zip, Dick and Pea
Zookeeper and Three Boys

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