Things Never Said by Southerners

-- Duct tape won't fix that.

-- Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.

-- We don't keep firearms in the house.

-- You can't feed that to the dog.

-- The kids can't ride in the back of the pickup -- it's just not safe.

-- Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?

-- We're vegetarians.

-- Do you think my gut is too big?

-- Honey, we don't need another dog.

-- Who's Richard Petty?

-- We could just share a small bag of pork rinds

.-- Too many deer heads detract from the decor

.-- I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today

.-- Is there anything in this restaurant that's NOT fried?

-- The tires on that truck are too big.

-- I've got it all on the C drive.

-- There's too much sugar in this tea.

-- Checkmate.

-- I believe you cooked those greens too long