Patton Oswalt: Suicide Pinata

If I ever commit suicide, here's what I plan to do -- you can use this -- I'm gonna fling myself off the top of a skyscraper, but before I do, I'm gonna stuff my pockets with candy and gum. That way, when I smack into the sidewalk, I'll burst like this big, human pinata. That way, the on-lookers who walk up, they can go, 'Oh man, he really must have been depressed -- oh, Snickers! Alright!'

Gross