13> Driving your fellow Congressman into the turnbuckle now considered acceptable method of ending a filibuster.

    12> President now shouts entire State of the Union address with his face 18 inches from TV camera.

    11> IRS audit replaced by more efficient reverse body slam onto enema.

    10> Government becomes a charade of meaningless noises and lots of posturing by a bunch of inarticulate losers with no class or manners-- Hey, wait a minute...

    9> Free school lunches destined for the needy instead go to the biggest, meanest, stupidest kid in each school.

    8> Sex scandals now involve even skankier women.

    7> January 20: Inauguration ceremonies January 21: FDA approves over-the-counter sale of steroids.

    6> Newt Gingrich is finally able to wear his mask and cape out of the house.

    5> During House debate, it is acceptable to yield to the gentleman wielding a folding chair.

    4> Difficult finding interns willing to accommodate an entire pouch of Skoal.

    3> Strom Thurmond *finally* removed by The Undertaker.

    2> Line to bodyslam Ken Starr winds around Lincoln Memorial.

    1> Before: Mr. Vice President      After: Stone Cold Cheney

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