A woman walks into her doctor's office and says, "Doctor, I need to lose weight fast." The doctor replies, "Instead of putting food in your mouth, try putting it up your butt."
Two months later, she comes in and says, "Doctor, it's a dream come true. I'm half the size I was." But the doctor notices that she is bouncing up and down. He asks, "Where did you get this twitch?" The woman replies, "I don't have a nervous twitch; I'm chewing bubble gum."