Kathleen Madigan: Figure Skating

I always wanted to be a figure skater as a kid, too, that was like my fantasy dream. But whenever I watch it, I think I would have totally done it alone. I don't know how these people have enough control over the tempers to be working with a partner. Because if I worked with some guy for 15 years, and we got to the Olympics, and out of nowhere he just fell -- oh, I'd skate around just to chop off his fingers. I would, and I would not feel bad about that -- ever. 'Now when you're nubbing your cereal spoon in the morning, you can look at that box and remember why we're not on it.'

Dark Humor